Minor Prophets III – The Book of Celsius
The ₿ible ⏎ Minor Prophets III – The Book of Celsius ⏎ “Not your keys, not your coins.”
1:1 Celsius proclaimed—
“Entrust your coins to us.
We shall give you interest!”
And so the people obeyed,
their wallets grew empty,
and they were no longer the owners.
1:2 They spoke of decentralization,
yet the passwords lay on their servers.
The HODLers' keys
were locked inside Celsius’ vault.
Satoshi’s first commandment was forgotten.
1:3 Then came a cold wind in the market.
The fires of DeFi dimmed.
Celsius halted all withdrawals.
“When you realize the coins aren’t yours, it may already be too late.”
Celsius 1:3
1:4 They declared bankruptcy.
The interest stopped.
The users queued in despair.
And the court ruled:
“The coins belong to Celsius.”
1:5 Faith ended in a courtroom.
The mask of decentralization was torn.
The lure of “yield”
arrived quieter than any rug pull.
1:6 The people cried out—
“I only gave them coins for 10% APY…
Was that a scam?”
But Satoshi had already spoken:
“If you hold not the keys,
the coins are not yours.”